Have you ever seen a 2 year old throwing themselves on the floor, wailing and flailing, because they didn’t get a second popsicle, or because they had to put shoes on, or (insert anything seemingly normal that they could absolutely freak out about)? Temper tantrums in toddlers are reflective of how we react to stress for the rest of our lives. After 11 years of working with hospital patients on managing stress, and now after having a “terrible twos” toddler in my life, I suddenly see all the similarities. It’s all just stress. Yet, stress can make us act like animals.
Most of the time, it’s when stress makes us feel like our lives are out of our control that things get especially hard to bear. With toddlers, they may be communicating what they want, but can’t get what they want, so they feel like, “What is going on?! I told them what I want and they aren’t listening!” For adults, it’s often the same exact thing. I know what I want, but I have to do 500 things for other people. Or, I just want to be home, but I’m stuck here. Or, I just want to be happy, but I’m overwhelmed. Then, we become REACTIVE. Our body demeanors change, we tense up (which starts to cause discomfort and pain), we eat terrible food because it’s quick and makes us feel good initially (which starts to cause indigestion and inflammation), we get short-fused and explosive, and it goes on and on, until we completely burn out!
Luckily, being aware of these human behaviors can help us curb the “freak out” before we get there. I think basic human stress comes from sleep deprivation, hunger/thirst, the feeling of disconnection, or that our lives are out of our control. We can certainly be conscious of trying to avoid sleep deprivation and hunger/thirst. If we wake up feeling tired, maybe don’t add the physical stress of having to run on donuts all day, to your already depleted body. Even gas stations have fruit options now. If we practice feeling connected with ourselves (the one thing we can mostly control) by using mindfulness and meditative practices, we can start to recognize how we respond to others. We can start to adjust to feel more connected by more controlled communication. So, if you wake up exhausted, then have sugary coffee and nothing else, when your friend/spouse/coworker says “Good Morning,” maybe make a conscious effort to breathe deeply and slowly before you go on a rant about how terrible people are in morning traffic. These are just suggestions, and ultimately, you will have to tune-in to yourself, to find what works best for you. But, remember, you are still human, and humans still respond to stress the same way as we always have, we’ve just learned ways to mask it. It’s still there though. So, let’s try our best to curb the tantrums. And, next time your toddler is on the verge of a break-down, give them a healthy snack/juice, and distract their attention to some form of connection with you, some way to show them that they are seen and heard. Maybe you can blow softly on their forehead, so that you can slow your frantic breathing down, and distract them in the process. The toddler may be too far gone already, but at least they will eventually feel that everything is okay, because you will be showing them that everything is okay.
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